You can try to make me go to rehab and I’ll say no no no!

I used to read a lot but in recent years I’ve read one book - The Motorcycle Diaries - and apart from that I’ve maybe read bits and pieces from works of non fiction but that’s it really. I’ve been too busy to read which, I was always aware, is a sad state of affairs.

So I was very pleased that out here I have no TV, few phone calls and no SNP meetings and worknights to keep me busy. Therefore I have time to read. It takes a while to get back into it but I’m currently reading ‘Atonement’ (you may have seen the “major motion picture” that it’s now become).

It’s funny but I couldn’t see what all the fuss was about until I got to page 137 which gave me some clue as to where it was going. I am amazed that I persisted but now that I’ve reached chapter 13 and realise what it is the main character has to atone for, I am very glad I did. It’s kind of like having to climb a steep hill to finally get the most amazing view – you begin to wonder why you bothered starting the climb but all your doubts disappear when you reach the summit.

Well that’s what I feel I’ve done with this book. I am shocked and stunned by what Briony (the main character) has done – it literally took my breath away. And I feel like I’m grieving for her victim and for her - and the lives they will now each have to lead. I want to tell him that it’s okay, I know he’s innocent and was only ever guilty of loving someone. I want to urge her to go back and rectify matters, convince her it’s not too late but I know there’s no point because although she knows what she has done, she sees no way out. And my heart sinks with that realisation.

Okay, back in the real world I realise there’s actually no point because it’s not real – it’s only happening in the pages of my book. However, it means I’ve turned a corner, I am a reader again! Hoorah! I will struggle now to put this book down, just as I used to before my life became so hectic that reading the spine of a book was too much trouble. One book will lead to another and before I know it, I’ll be addicted again – so by the time I get back to my life in Scotland, there will at least ONE thing in my life other than work and the SNP.

Only thing is that tonight, after work, I’m supposed to be going swimming and then my housemate Julia and I are meeting a frog expert from the Baltic States for a few drinks and dinner – maybe he’ll be so into his frogs that he won’t notice my book on my lap!!!

The Phenomenon that is the Sri Lankan Lunch Packet

In an early post (early - all of 2 weeks ago) I was telling you how brave I felt going out all by myself to buy a Lunch Packet. And I promised to post a photograph. The Lunch Packet is wrapped (as you can see) in a square of greaseproof paper and a square of chip wrapping paper (I refer to posh chippies that don't use the Daily Record and who can blame them?). Anyway, open this seemingly innocuous 35p lunch and it will reveal a full dinner of rice, curry, egg (now that I seem to have become veggie!) and a variety of accompaniments - see other pic. This was my lunch today and just to make you all really jealous, it has ZERO CALORIES. Well it does when half an hour after consuming it, you find yourself emptying it right back out again - involuntarily but gratefully all the same. I realise that's a terrible thing to say and to punish myself I'm now going to go and do 30 lengths at the pool. Ciao for now toute le monde :-)

All is well in Galle

Just a quick posting to say that today is another day and all is well with me. I meant to post this "happy photo" yesterday to prove I'm not in the depths of despair but ran out of time. So here it is, proof that yesterday was a one off. This was me having a rotten time at Mirissa Beach - it cost 50p to get there on the bus and 6 pounds for B&B in a beachside cabana. I'll make no political comment this time and simply appreciate how lucky I am.

PS just spotted that I HAD already uploaded it. Ah well, I'll find some more tomorrow!

Talk about speaking too soon

That is exactly what I did in my ever so positive and upbeat post yesterday - "problems are not exaggerated just because you're thousands of miles from home"! Oh no? Oh yes! Oh yes indeed!!

So, instead of the hopelessly over optimistic "you know you're settling in when ..." I'm changing it to:

"I knew I was homesick when ..."

... after everything listed in yesterday's posting that I handled with grace, fortitude and dignity lol, my bank card was refused 3 times (when I'd no money) and I took it out on local traders who kept asking me to buy stuff by telling them "the eejits at the bank'll no' gie me any dosh so there's no' a lot I can buy unless youse sell bazookas at 20 rupees"! Yes, I did it in my best Glaswegian just to confuse and also, to make myself feel better which, in a strange kind of a way, it did!

... my tiny bathroom in my new guest house had another inhabitant - a giant cockroach and instead of dealing with it rationally, I locked the bathroom door, stood on a chair (for a short time only) and decided that I'd never ever need to use the bathroom for any reason whatsoever.

... my mosquito net in my new guest house had seven sizeable holes in it. Enough to let more than seven giant sci-fi type mosquitoes through. Luckily, instead of buying bazookas with my rupees, I'd bought sellotape and proceeded to tape them up. All perfectly rational I hear you say but what's normal about sitting up all night guarding the sellotaped holes?

Nothing! And that's my point. I was wrong yesterday when I said "off days" weren't exaggerated being so far from home - I clearly just wasn't having an off enough day to know. It is so much harder dealing with problems when you're this far from home. Your family and usual friends, your normal support network are too far away to help and you don't want to phone them and worry them.

All the other distractions you take for granted are missing too - turning on the TV, going online, cleaning your kitchen, going for a walk or a drive, meeting friends for a drink, letting my mum make me my tea or even just taking to my own bed are all the kind of things I'd do if I was having a bad day at home. But most of these are inaccessible to me out here.

So for a time you're forced to rely solely on yourself and your ability to think positively and find a way round your problems, your fears, even your phobias. I say all of this not to adopt a "woe is me" personna and illicit sympathy but because this blog is about my personal journey (without getting too personal) - adapting to a life where my usual support networks are not there, is going to be a big part of that journey.

I said in a previous post that whilst I knew a benefit of this experience would be the character building aspect, I sometimes think I'm quite happy, I've built it and I don't want to build any more thanks very much. And that's how I felt last night and it's how I feel right now. I suspect it will take time but I know in the back of my mind that one day I'll be glad for what I've learned even from the bad bits of the trip.

We were given advice before we came out here that if we were having a bad day, it would be a worse day than it would be at home and when it happened we should plan something nice and relaxing - a day at a spa for instance. So I'm going to think about that now.

Finally, I will end by saying that whilst my normal friends and family are so far away, I am very glad of the friends I've made out here amongst the other volunteers. We all experience it differently but we are all experiencing it and talking to them and to our country manager out here as well as my lovely colleagues in the office, has helped so much. I wouldn't be writing about it in my blog if I wasn't feeling a lot better.

I will look forward to reading this one day in the not too distant future and realising how far I've come - I know I will get there, it's just that the getting there can be a little challenging at times.

You know you're settling in when ...

... your phone breaks - and you cope ...

your sunglasses snap - but you manage, despite fearing permanent visual impairment ...

you burn your legs after using factor 50 and reapplying neurotically - but don't lose heart because at least you can't get wrinkles on your legs ...

you awake to find two mosquitoes on the outside of your net, staring at you and foaming at the mouth in anticipation of your eventual and inevitable exit - but survive the rat run to the loo ...

the tuk tuk driver you've been using because he's such a trustworthy family man with a lovely wife and children puts his hand on your thigh and tells you that you're beautiful - but you don't freak (mainly because you're so naive you think it might just be a local greeting in Galle and all perfectly *innocent) ...

your new found determination to drink 3 litres of water a day is going well but resulting in HOURLY punch ups with the mosquitoes who inhabit the office toilet - and yet, your dignity is intact (once you get outside the loo that is) ...

and you get to work to discover a button has popped off your (not at all tight) dress right at a bit that you really ought to keep covered in a conservative country like Sri Lanka - but, still, you remain stoical ...

What I'm trying to say is that you know you're settling in well when the things that would test your patience at home, test it no more over here. Problems are not exaggerated simply because you're thousands of miles away from home - this revelation I am treating with surprise and relief. Right I'm away to find out where I can buy aloe vera and a sewing kit!

* Apparently this is not an innocent greeting. As our country manager out here said to me when I emailed to ask, "not in Sri Lanka, not in any country in the world"! Apparently "some things mean the same the world over"! Some call it naivety, I call it faith in human nature :-)

Got to relax somehow

Not been feeling too hot this week. Well, I've been hot obviously (even when it rains here it's hot), but not too well last day or so. Therefore I feel it's only right that I take myself off to here for the weekend so come Saturday morning when all my Western Hemisphere based mates are tucked up in bed or falling out of Clatty Pat's, this is where I'll be headed. Whatever you're doing enjoy it. I may update over the weekend but I don't see any internet cafes in that picture do you?

Mini Beasts

One of the hardest things to adjust to over here is the mini beast situation. I call them that because when I did teacher training I discovered this is the correct term and the one I’d been using was – well, just swear words really.

Anyway I’m not a fan. To be fair, so far it’s been not too bad. I’m almost immune to the ants and the little spiders and I know my time will come but most of those other horrible things that I can’t even mention by name, have been keeping out of my way till now.

My colleague Muna was laughing at me for having a fight with a mosquito – I think perhaps it’s not very Sri Lankan to try to communicate with them (definitely not Sri Lankan to swear at them) but I was just trying to explain that I was minding my own business and it should do the same. I consider myself fortunate indeed, however, not to be living in Wisconsin!

Do you know what I’ve discovered? Apparently it’s only female mosquitoes who bite and they do it to fertilise their eggs. So basically, I’m being tricked into motherhood before I’m ready – and not even to human beings but to bloody mosquitoes. I object to that!

Plus, I could be responsible for killing my own offspring. Isn’t that infanticide? In this case I think we could call it insecticide and if ever I get done for it, I'll plead justifiable insecticide - I'd like to see them argue against that one!