Talk about speaking too soon

That is exactly what I did in my ever so positive and upbeat post yesterday - "problems are not exaggerated just because you're thousands of miles from home"! Oh no? Oh yes! Oh yes indeed!!

So, instead of the hopelessly over optimistic "you know you're settling in when ..." I'm changing it to:

"I knew I was homesick when ..."

... after everything listed in yesterday's posting that I handled with grace, fortitude and dignity lol, my bank card was refused 3 times (when I'd no money) and I took it out on local traders who kept asking me to buy stuff by telling them "the eejits at the bank'll no' gie me any dosh so there's no' a lot I can buy unless youse sell bazookas at 20 rupees"! Yes, I did it in my best Glaswegian just to confuse and also, to make myself feel better which, in a strange kind of a way, it did!

... my tiny bathroom in my new guest house had another inhabitant - a giant cockroach and instead of dealing with it rationally, I locked the bathroom door, stood on a chair (for a short time only) and decided that I'd never ever need to use the bathroom for any reason whatsoever.

... my mosquito net in my new guest house had seven sizeable holes in it. Enough to let more than seven giant sci-fi type mosquitoes through. Luckily, instead of buying bazookas with my rupees, I'd bought sellotape and proceeded to tape them up. All perfectly rational I hear you say but what's normal about sitting up all night guarding the sellotaped holes?

Nothing! And that's my point. I was wrong yesterday when I said "off days" weren't exaggerated being so far from home - I clearly just wasn't having an off enough day to know. It is so much harder dealing with problems when you're this far from home. Your family and usual friends, your normal support network are too far away to help and you don't want to phone them and worry them.

All the other distractions you take for granted are missing too - turning on the TV, going online, cleaning your kitchen, going for a walk or a drive, meeting friends for a drink, letting my mum make me my tea or even just taking to my own bed are all the kind of things I'd do if I was having a bad day at home. But most of these are inaccessible to me out here.

So for a time you're forced to rely solely on yourself and your ability to think positively and find a way round your problems, your fears, even your phobias. I say all of this not to adopt a "woe is me" personna and illicit sympathy but because this blog is about my personal journey (without getting too personal) - adapting to a life where my usual support networks are not there, is going to be a big part of that journey.

I said in a previous post that whilst I knew a benefit of this experience would be the character building aspect, I sometimes think I'm quite happy, I've built it and I don't want to build any more thanks very much. And that's how I felt last night and it's how I feel right now. I suspect it will take time but I know in the back of my mind that one day I'll be glad for what I've learned even from the bad bits of the trip.

We were given advice before we came out here that if we were having a bad day, it would be a worse day than it would be at home and when it happened we should plan something nice and relaxing - a day at a spa for instance. So I'm going to think about that now.

Finally, I will end by saying that whilst my normal friends and family are so far away, I am very glad of the friends I've made out here amongst the other volunteers. We all experience it differently but we are all experiencing it and talking to them and to our country manager out here as well as my lovely colleagues in the office, has helped so much. I wouldn't be writing about it in my blog if I wasn't feeling a lot better.

I will look forward to reading this one day in the not too distant future and realising how far I've come - I know I will get there, it's just that the getting there can be a little challenging at times.